Cleaning

I have been cleaning my house for the past 2 days. Not continually, mind you, but intermittently cleaning. It’s been just enough to keep me busy. Every time I clean lately I’m more and more convinced there will be no dust or dirt in heaven because I really can’t stand it. It’s not that dusting is so difficult, because it’s not, but the continuous, unrelenting way about it is what frustrates me. I wipe a surface clean, removing the dust and revealing the surface of the furniture, and sure enough 3 days later, the dust has built up again. It begins to settle almost immediately after I’ve wiped the surface clean, in spite of the cleaners I use which promise to “repel dust”. Yeah, right. There is no reprieve from it. And then I realize there actually are people in the world who enjoy cleaning. Yes, you heard correctly; they ENJOY CLEANING. I know, I’ve often wondered what kind of sick and twisted mind one would have to possess to enjoy cleaning. I think that maybe such a person enjoys the feeling of accomplishment, especially when it’s as instantaneous and visible as cleaning. If something is dirty, you work hard to clean it and then you reap the rewards of a clean object. The problem for someone like me is it never stays clean. I am forever cleaning the same surfaces again and again, and frankly it wears me out.

I think we often want our relationships with others to work the same way, and when they don’t, we get frustrated and want to move on to working hard on something that will reap more tangible and lasting results. But relationships are so much harder than just wiping a surface clean, even harder than getting your back into it and scrubbing the surface clean. Relationships require you get your heart into it, and that’s dangerous territory. We spend a good part of this life trying somehow to protect our fragile hearts, and relationships expose them more than anything else. Think for a minute about the one relationship in your life that, if jeopardized, would cause your adrenaline to kick into high gear and ignite that innate fight mechanism within us all. You protect that person, whether it’s your spouse, child, parent, sibling, or best friend, and you protect that relationship with everything in you because you recognize what that person (and relationship) means to you. You protect it because you recognize the implications of harm coming to that relationship. You are vulnerable in that relationship and so for it to be jeopardized means your heart is exposed and vulnerable. You are protecting yourself and the other person from hurt, or at least that is your desire. And in reality, can we really protect anyone from anything?

If we invested ourselves in all relationships the way God invests Himself in relationship with us, we would have our hearts crushed all over the place, and let’s be honest, who wants that? But if we truly trust in that one relationship that trumps all others, the one we hopefully have with God, the rest is just collateral damage from which we can easily recover. What if we invested ourselves into every relationship with complete abandon? What if we kept coming back to clean up the dirt and messes in the lives of others that we know will almost immediately make themselves visible again? What if we scrub and scrub and the dirt doesn’t budge? Does that mean we stop trying and move on to a more agreeable surface? Or is this exactly what God does with us every day? We are called to go further, do more, give our coat too when our shirt is requested, walk 2 miles instead of just the one that is required. Dust that stinking shelf off again; knowing the dust has only temporarily disappeared. Go back again and again and again, subjecting ourselves to hurt and exposition in ways only the Father’s love can heal. This is our calling. Our CALLING. Why? Because it’s what our relationship has been with an all-loving God and Father, and as His children we are to be an extension of His hands to a hurting world in need. We all know this truth in our heads, but oh, when we can get it into our hearts, what a day that will be. And we can rest assured in God’s love, which supersedes all others. Everything, EVERYTHING, begins and ends with it, so what do we have to fear? Our hearts will be broken, to be sure, but when they are we know we can bring them to our God for healing, all so we can take them back out to be broken again. We can clean up those dirty parts of life that will most assuredly be dirty again before we are even finished wiping them down.

Last Day at NPC

This was written a few days ago, on our last morning at the National Pastor's Convention in San Diego.

February 13, 2009

I’ve been awakened before 5am for the past 3 days. I assume it’s due to the time change – coming from Eastern into Pacific this week – but I realized this morning that may not be the reason. During this week I’ve come to the realization that I am called to continue writing, even if it never goes anywhere but this laptop My Documents file. I must recognize that just maybe this is God waking me up to have time to write. I have so many thoughts when I lay in bed and this might be the perfect time to get them out onto “paper”. I say might because the time doesn't seem so perfect to me - I really do love my sleep.

This week has been life-changing. I’ve met some of the most amazing people and they have each impacted me in different ways. There’s the mother of three and firefighter’s wife who wishes the members of her church were less concerned about the building itself and more concerned about the people inside, the girl who thinks about telling her mother-in-law she has no ovaries so she’ll stop being harassed about having kids, the best friends who thought they’d never be senior pastors and in the past year have found themselves taken away from one another to do just that – senior pastor, the youth ministers who exercised in improper footwear and were given new hope for their drug-addicted cousin, the couple who believe in community with all their heart and desire to see God change their small town in big ways, the women who ran this whole convention and never hesitated to serve so many others. These people are extraordinary in ordinary ways and I’ve come to love and appreciate them all. I did not come here to listen to the speakers and authors as much as I believe I came here to be changed by the voice of God and the touch of these individuals. This group has reminded me that God works in the lives of so many different people, that He is working at levels I can’t even begin to comprehend. I probably should read more of the books they offer, but why would I want books when God is leading me by using the people He loves?

Thank you, everyone who made this trip possible for us. We have so enjoyed getting to know each of you and hope this won’t be the first and last time we meet.

Sunny San Diego

Bill and I traveled to San Diego today. We spent a total of 4.5 hours on a plane and 10 hours total in travel. When we arrived, it was pouring down rain and the temperature was 54. I believe it was warmer in Grand Haven, MI today. The high for tomorrow in Grand Haven is supposed to be 62 - the predicted high in San Diego is 65.

10 hours of travel, 3 degrees of separation.

Nice.

Today there is love

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17 (NIV)

Now is the time for redemption and reconciliation. The time of judgment is yet to come, but it is not for now. Christ came not to condemn the world but to save it. We are to be Christ-like in our efforts, not condemning the world but seeking instead to connect it to the Father through love. We are not the instruments by which it can or will be saved, but we are the instruments called to be the guides and compasses by which the world sees that salvation at work and seeks to find it. We fail miserably every day and send seeking hearts in wrong directions with our thoughtless deeds; but there is hope, for His mercies are new every morning. So rise up this day and let yourself be reset to point to True North once again. Judgment will come, but not today. Today there is love.

My Friend

I close my eyes and I see my friend’s face, and I miss it so. There is a song that I recently heard that, although it is a bit romantic, explains well the way I feel. My heart is sad when I realize the distance between us, and I have no way of knowing if we’ll ever be so close again. I know we both must move on, and this means she will find other friends who warm her heart and make her smile, friends she can sit and talk with about everything we used to talk about, friends who connect with her the way I connect with her. Although there is a part of me that is joyful at this thought, there is still a very selfish part that wants to hold on to that connection and keep it all to myself. The child in me cries out, “She’s MY best friend!” and even though I realize the childishness of this emotion, it is there all the same. I want the best for her, I want her to be happy, and I know that may mean someone else takes my place as her best friend. And that makes me sad. So I recognize my selfish attitude and yet I cling to the thought that maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to remain so close – as close as we ever were, or even closer still.

But for now I close my eyes and lift her up in prayer, asking our Father to bless her abundantly, even with new forever friendships.

I miss you, friend.