We’ve been back from vacation for almost a week and Bill has been suffering from an “illness” since we’ve returned. He has been put on several medications to cure him of the illness and while I believe they’re working, they’re also taking their sweet time. While he waits for healing, he has been in a significant amount of discomfort. Every evening he laments the irritation of symptoms and every evening I say, “I’m sorry you feel so badly,” and I mean it. I truly am sorry he’s hurting. After I told him as much the other night, I sat and asked myself, “How sorry are you? Would you take this illness from him if it meant his healing?” And I felt a little proud to be able to say, “Yeah, I would.” I thought if I could take the pain away from him, I would, and that made me feel pretty good about myself. But then suddenly another question arose in my mind, and I don’t think I was the one asking it. The question was, “What if he didn’t care that you took it? What if he completely disregarded your sacrifice for him? Would you still take it?” Can you guess my answer? I realized in that moment that no, in that case I wouldn’t take it for him. In order for it to be worthwhile to me, he would have to recognize what I did for him and truly appreciate it. Otherwise forget it.
And then it hit me: that’s exactly what Jesus did when He died for the world. I was overcome for a moment while I lay there in bed, realizing how unworthy I was and am of Jesus’ sacrifice. I was filled with sorrow as I understood my own limitations of love and sacrifice, and oh so grateful when I recognized, even if incompletely, His limitless love and sacrifice. It was just a moment in time when I understood a little more what He has done for me. The idea that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8), took on a deeper meaning. Even though He knew I wouldn’t care for a long time, and might never fully understand the depth of His sacrifice, He did it anyway. Even though He knew the greater portion of humanity would reject Him, He still willingly went to the cross and died, for all of humanity.
As we enter this Holy Week and as we remember Jesus’ death, burial, and glorious resurrection, take a moment and consider what it meant for Him to die for us, fully knowing we would never truly appreciate what He did.
Doesn’t it make you fall even more in love with Him?
Very perseptive. Makes me think, Dad
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