On processing...

I met with a friend over coffee last week.  We sat and caught up on the happenings in each of our lives, having not seen one another in well over a year.  There have been a lot of obvious changes in his life, and not so obvious ones in mine.  It's amazing what can change in a year. 

We talked about many things, and I was grateful to be given some insight as to where he was/is and what God is doing (and not doing) in his life right now.  Our conversation eventually turned to my writing, and as we talked, he psycho-analyzed me.  It was strangely fun and interesting.  He called me out as a processor, almost accusing at times, but in a whole-heartedly honest and forgiving way.  As I sat and listened, I realized he was right.  I think EVERYTHING through before putting it out.  What is that?  Is it fear?  Is it self-doubt?  Is it lack of commitment due to fear?  Yes, and no.  Part of it is just who I am, how I live life, and part of it is fear.  (According to my friend, I have courage to spare - I accused him of not knowing me very well.)  What I discovered in my time with him, and afterward as I talked it over with Bill (and Shelby, and Tracey, and Josh, and Heather) is that maybe all this processing is hindering the writing I want to do.  Process less...a new thought to me.  I then spent some time processing it. 
We talked about some of the poetry I've been writing and the story I've begun, and as we did I discovered those things came from a place where little processing was done.  They just came out, much like those ideas I discussed in the Death and Birth post, messy and kicking and screaming.  But that seems to be what makes for "good" art so often.  I recently read that Van Gogh painted almost one painting a day in the last years of his life.  A painting a day!  Did he process and consider every detail before painting?  Did he have a plan and outline before picking up the paintbrush?  Obviously he saw, he felt, he created.  I want to do more of that.

On the encouragement of my dear friends (who are so giving and helpful as I blindly feel my way through this new endeavor), I am purposing to process less and feel more as I work to let the writing come out.  I must warn you that some of it that has come has been rough and raw.  I hope it touches in places that only rough and raw can sometimes.  It's okay if it doesn't.  I'm just going to go with it anyway.