So lately I've been getting a "sense" that I'm supposed to tell my story. The problem is I'm not sure exactly how to do it, or which part of it to tell. There are so many stories within the bigger one, and trying to determine which ones to tell and which ones to skip over is very difficult. Some are so ridiculous it's hard for even me to believe they're true, and others seem to have nothing more than shock value, which makes them seem less important. But is that true? Is there value in telling some of the more shocking stories, if for no other reason than to give a better understanding of what depth God pursued me? I often hear people, many in the Church community, say we don't need all the details because we have a tendency to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture, that being God's redemption and healing. I've been trying to fit that thought together with the still, small voice I keep hearing which has been quietly saying, "I gave you a story - tell it." Okay, which part?
As crazy as it sounds, even after 11 years of sobriety, I still can't seem to get my head wrapped around the entire story. It comes in smaller details and memories, and some of those memories are painfully ugly. Others are beautiful. But I don't think I can leave the ugly behind and just take the beautiful - their beauty might not shine quite so much without the contrast of the ugly.
I guess that's the overall gist of the story - God took something quite ugly and made it beautiful. Figuring out how to "tell" it well, that's another story all together.
Thoughts?
Sherri...it is interesting you posted this. After reading your past couple writings, I was thinking of when everything was happening. I remember praying for you and telling my mom that when God pulled you out of this that you would have an amazing testimony! I think sometimes it is good to share the "ugly" to fully appreciate how far God has brought you and how you are at the place you are now. Sometimes the "ugly" is what reaches people who may be going through something similar. You are an amazing person...you've been through a lot...yet look at how far you've come and where you are today. Proud of you Sherri!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kelly. I so appreciate the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteevery story has its beautiful parts and its ugly parts. the contrast in some stories is striking, made even more so by the darkness of the ugly and the lightness of the beauty.
ReplyDeletei often think of the way that our friend told her story at our last church retreat--she started from now and forward...because everyone has done 'stuff' in the past...and nobody wants to stay there.
i agreed in part, and thought myself weak for using the struggles that were so recent in my life as part of the strength i share with my own story.
then i realized, for some of us, the past has a strong draw. we can get mired in the shame of what was or stuck in trying to prove we aren't that person anymore...rather than looking forward. (not saying that our friend does or is)
it's what israel struggled with when they were freed from the bondage of egypt. it was such a strong draw, they couldn't be the people God wanted them to be. it took them 40 years to forget their 'crutch'-the thing that they allowed to hold them back from emerging from darkness into light.
my point is, i don't think it's wrong to include the dark details of your story if they strengthen the lightness of it, too...the black threads are necessary to reflect just how bright the light is.
hope that made sense.
~ruth
Yes, and I agree. I think the struggle for me is figuring out which dark details do in fact reflect the beauty in the light. More prayerful consideration needed, I suppose. Thanks for your thoughts. They are insightful and helpful.
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